Ok, I have had several conversations in the last few days with people very close to me about a very sensitive topic in relationships and the church, and I'm more confused now than when I began. The topic is remarriage after divorce. Easy stuff, right? HAHA! I'm writing this blog to solicit opinions from you, my friends and readers.
What does the bible really say about this topic? How do you interpret it? What I have read seems to put me in the clear, but in order to fully disseminate the arguments, one would have to fully understand the finer points behind my divorce, and I don't feel that a public forum is the place for revealing all of that. That being said, what do all of you think, in general terms, about this? I cannot imagine that I am required to either reconcile with my ex-wife or live a celibate life from here on in, which has been suggested by some.
There are other areas of this topic that are troubling me, as well. How soon is too soon to begin dating and considering a life with someone? The divorce care class suggests waiting at least five years to make sure that you are fully healed before beginning to date. Personally, I think thats a giant load of you-know-what. But many think this is the best route. I feel liberated at fully me for the first time in so many years I can't begin to explain it, but there are more than a few that think that I'm foolish to begin considering this in my life.
In addition, there is the issue of my children. Now granted, my divorce was only final a week ago, but I have been seperated for 15 of the last 19 months, and my kids know nothing of the legal battle. They only know that Daddy hasn't lived in the same house as Mommy for over a year and a half, with the exception of a four month period when we tried to live together again. I don't think that they will be harmed by my dating, but a few are telling me that I'm kidding myself.
I'm really confused by the amount of rancor that this is causing in my life. I really didn't expect such a reaction to my dating. Please give me your thoughts, and in a quiet moment, please give me your prayers. I'm so ready to begin to rebuild my life, and when that person comes into my life, I don't want to be unwilling to let her in. As I said in a previous blog, I don't need a woman to find self-worth. I do, however, want to share my life with someone I love. I don't believe that to be in any way co-dependant. Some do. Help me out here. Thoughts?
Currently Listening :
Sixpence None The Richer
By Sixpence None The Richer
Release date: By 10 February, 1998
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Fragile, Part V: D-Day
D-Day. December 8, 2006. Eighteen months after things started down the long path to destruction, my marriage that began on March 29, 1996 ended this morning with no fanfare whatsoever. The divorce was settled three weeks ago, and I signed papers two weeks ago. All that remained was for my ex-wife to go down to the courthouse and sign herself. As simple as that, it was over - after months of hand-wringing, sweat, tears, thousands of dollars in legal bills, four confused little boys, six broken hearts, fifty pounds lost, 3 months of anti-depressants, negotiations, accusations, innuendo, nasty words, confrontations, and a complete financial disaster, it ended with a whimper. The only change today was one to insurance policies. The changes over this period of trial by fire, however, are countless to all but God. I am a different person as a result of this divorce. I am a better father, better man, and have a bright and hopeful future. God has worked on my character in ways that only He could. I am sad that it took the destruction of my marriage to get my attention, but grateful for the changes.
So as I consider the damage done and the massive benefit to me and to my children, I can't help but feel satisfied with this result. I'm sure that divorce wasn't in God's perfect will for me, but I'm convinced that my life from this point forward will be. My worldview again has been shaken, but again I think its a more accurate worldview. Grace has new meaning to me today. Its God's grace that has allowed me to see myself as He sees me. It's His grace that caused me to respond to His gentle correction. It's His grace that has brought redemption to the rubble of my life. It's His grace that has helped me to see the kind of father I want to be to my precious little boys. And it's His grace that will lead me farther up and farther in to the plan He has for my life!
Regardless of my romantic future, my future is safe in His arms. I will remain in His arms always! In the meantime, I am very satisfied and very happy today. Bittersweet? Yes. Sad? A little. But mostly - grateful to my family and friends who have held me up in this process. Mom and Dad - You raised me to never consider a divorce to be an option. Now that I have had to walk down that dark road, I am more confident than ever in your love for me, and your unconditional acceptance. Alan and Nancy Smith- You have been faithful friends for most of my life. You walked this valley with me from the beginning and gave your best to make sure I came out the other side refined. I love you. Gateway Church - without the support I have received from this body of believers, I would not have made it through without bitterness. To the men of Discovery Weekends - You showed me a Father God who I knew existed in my head, but never could fully let love me. Steve Heyduck - you are my pastor. Thank you for your unconditional love for me - blessings on your upcoming marriage! Millard Buchholz - you helped me to see Jesus Christ as my savior, and you gave freely of yourself and your time to help to save my marriage. I am completely grateful, even though it didn't end as we had hoped. To my MySpace friends - I have been so encouraged by your comments and emails. I never knew that an online community could be so tight-knit! I appreciate you reading my blogs and commenting on my thoughts. I've not written regularly like this since the sixth grade, and its satisfying to be doing it again and to see that you are reading and enjoying what I have to say. To date, there are 2,363 views to my blog posts! Finally, to my now ex-wife - I thank her for four beautiful boys. They are my life. I wish her nothing but the best and pray for happiness and fulfillment for her.
Now the next part of my life is ahead of me. First and foremost - I continue to pursue the Father God who has brought about these changes, confident that He who began a good work in me is faithful to bring it to completion. I feel like I am largely healed of the hurt and pain caused by this valley - although many who have walked this road before me tell me that I'm dreaming and it should take years upon years to find that healing. While I'm sure that there are unseen pitfalls on the path ahead, I do not accept that it will be a drawn-out recovery. I went to a Divorce Care class last week, and it was almost entirely a giant gripe session - (Oh yeah, you think yours was bad? well wait til you hear MY story...No, mine was worse, no mine!) I did not go back. It was a whole bunch of hurting folks talking about how much they hurt and how blindsided they are and how horrible their marriages were and how long and arduous the recovery should be, and if it isn't long and arduous you are doomed. I don't need that in my life, folks. My God is bigger than that, and I am confident of the work done in me. Are there more things He wants to do in me? Certainly! But I don't need to wallow, and I don't need the counsel and support of people who are bitter and callous. I've had my fill of bitter and callous.
So I will move forward with my life. I am excited to see what is coming in the days, weeks, and months ahead. For the first time in over a decade, I am excited about my future. I have a new hope, a new set of goals, and a second chance.
Currently listening :
Reasons Why: The Very Best (CD + DVD)
By Nickel Creek
Release date: By 14 November, 2006
So as I consider the damage done and the massive benefit to me and to my children, I can't help but feel satisfied with this result. I'm sure that divorce wasn't in God's perfect will for me, but I'm convinced that my life from this point forward will be. My worldview again has been shaken, but again I think its a more accurate worldview. Grace has new meaning to me today. Its God's grace that has allowed me to see myself as He sees me. It's His grace that caused me to respond to His gentle correction. It's His grace that has brought redemption to the rubble of my life. It's His grace that has helped me to see the kind of father I want to be to my precious little boys. And it's His grace that will lead me farther up and farther in to the plan He has for my life!
Regardless of my romantic future, my future is safe in His arms. I will remain in His arms always! In the meantime, I am very satisfied and very happy today. Bittersweet? Yes. Sad? A little. But mostly - grateful to my family and friends who have held me up in this process. Mom and Dad - You raised me to never consider a divorce to be an option. Now that I have had to walk down that dark road, I am more confident than ever in your love for me, and your unconditional acceptance. Alan and Nancy Smith- You have been faithful friends for most of my life. You walked this valley with me from the beginning and gave your best to make sure I came out the other side refined. I love you. Gateway Church - without the support I have received from this body of believers, I would not have made it through without bitterness. To the men of Discovery Weekends - You showed me a Father God who I knew existed in my head, but never could fully let love me. Steve Heyduck - you are my pastor. Thank you for your unconditional love for me - blessings on your upcoming marriage! Millard Buchholz - you helped me to see Jesus Christ as my savior, and you gave freely of yourself and your time to help to save my marriage. I am completely grateful, even though it didn't end as we had hoped. To my MySpace friends - I have been so encouraged by your comments and emails. I never knew that an online community could be so tight-knit! I appreciate you reading my blogs and commenting on my thoughts. I've not written regularly like this since the sixth grade, and its satisfying to be doing it again and to see that you are reading and enjoying what I have to say. To date, there are 2,363 views to my blog posts! Finally, to my now ex-wife - I thank her for four beautiful boys. They are my life. I wish her nothing but the best and pray for happiness and fulfillment for her.
Now the next part of my life is ahead of me. First and foremost - I continue to pursue the Father God who has brought about these changes, confident that He who began a good work in me is faithful to bring it to completion. I feel like I am largely healed of the hurt and pain caused by this valley - although many who have walked this road before me tell me that I'm dreaming and it should take years upon years to find that healing. While I'm sure that there are unseen pitfalls on the path ahead, I do not accept that it will be a drawn-out recovery. I went to a Divorce Care class last week, and it was almost entirely a giant gripe session - (Oh yeah, you think yours was bad? well wait til you hear MY story...No, mine was worse, no mine!) I did not go back. It was a whole bunch of hurting folks talking about how much they hurt and how blindsided they are and how horrible their marriages were and how long and arduous the recovery should be, and if it isn't long and arduous you are doomed. I don't need that in my life, folks. My God is bigger than that, and I am confident of the work done in me. Are there more things He wants to do in me? Certainly! But I don't need to wallow, and I don't need the counsel and support of people who are bitter and callous. I've had my fill of bitter and callous.
So I will move forward with my life. I am excited to see what is coming in the days, weeks, and months ahead. For the first time in over a decade, I am excited about my future. I have a new hope, a new set of goals, and a second chance.
Currently listening :
Reasons Why: The Very Best (CD + DVD)
By Nickel Creek
Release date: By 14 November, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Who are you?....who who...who who (do you really wanna know?)
Who am I?
Ok. I just took a new type of personality test that has re-shaped the way I view myself, and personality tests in general. Most tests are based on what you do in certain situations - this one focuses on WHY you do what you do, and puts all the questions it asks in the setting of childhood. They ask you to answer as you would as a child - and how you reacted to certain behaviors in others as a child. The whole point is that your personality at its core is set while you are in the womb. Your core needs as a human remain unchanged from birth to death. You may react differently as you grow older, either as a form of self-protection or in response to conditioning, environment, or life experience, but your NEEDS are not any different. This has opened my eyes to a whole new aspect of myself that was unknown to me before now. All of the tests I've taken to date paint me as a particular type of person, and I've lived my life with that understanding of myself. However, I never really understood myself, or why I did the things I did. In the midst of my divorce, I have had so many burning questions about what went wrong, and when I read this, the light went on. Kinda like, well DUH! This test NAILED my needs, wants, turn-ons, and turn-offs as though it were in my own mind. And it did so in a very few questions. I think it only asked 45. In any case, you can see below the description of the test, along with my results. If you want a basic idea of who I am and how I respond - good, bad, and ugly, read below....
The Color Code is Motive-based
You need to know that The Color Code works and is the best tool on the market today, because it is based on human motivations (why you do what you do) rather than on human behaviors (what you do). Behavior (for example, the way you act in a chat room or on a date) can be imitated, copied, or faked, but if you know the true motivation behind the behavior (what is driving the person to behave as they do), you already have a very clear picture of what that person is all about.
You only have one Core Motive or "Color Code"
Your personality type is driven by only ONE of four Core Motives, represented by the colors:
RED (Core Motive = Power, or the ability to move from "a" to "b" as efficiently as possible)
BLUE (Core Motive = Intimacy, this doesn't mean sex, but the need to connect, share feelings, and build relationships with others)
WHITE (Core Motive = Peace, or calm even in the midst of conflict; clarity in the midst of confusion)
YELLOW (Core Motive = Fun, or always enjoying the moment)
These are the four basic personality types that I will teach you about. However, very few people have ever scored 100% in one single color while taking the profile; therefore, you will find that your Core Color is often influenced by traces of the other colors. That is why no two WHITES, although driven by the same Core Motive of Peace, will ever be exactly alike.
Your Color was present at birth and you cannot change it
You were born with your core personality color intact (ask any woman who has given birth to more than one child and she'll tell you that her children had different personalities before they had drawn their first breath), and while parts of your personality do change over time (for example, you may have not been born a good listener, but you have learned to become one), you cannot and should not try to discard your Core Color in an attempt to trade it for another. If you were born a YELLOW, you will die a YELLOW, but you can add to yourself any strength or any limitation of any color to your core self.
All Colors are of equal importance
No personality type is better than another. Each brings equally valuable, albeit, different gifts to the world.
All Colors are neither good nor bad
No personality type is innately good or bad. Many people who do not know The Color Code may assume that all BLUES must be good and all REDS must be bad, for example. This couldn't be more false. The colors are neutral and individuals are free to choose how they will use their strengths and limitations to leave either a positive or a negative legacy in life.
Here were my results...
My breakdown was:
Blue: 55%
Yellow: 21%
Red: 18%
White: 6%
Congratulations, James, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life.
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others.
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
Why You're Hot
You Put Your Partner/Relationship First
People like to feel important, especially to their significant other, and you have the natural ability to make that happen. As a BLUE, you tend to be very selfless, and your first thought is always "how will this affect my partner?" You would be willing to sacrifice going out with friends or engaging in an activity that you enjoy on your own to do something less exciting with your significant other - not that they would necessarily ask you to - but just knowing you would is a great feeling.
You Make Events Magical
When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don't like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.
You Are Unbelievably Thoughtful
You Emanate Quality And Purpose In All That You Do
You Give Your Heart Wholly And Willingly
You Are A Rock - Stable And Dependable
Your Capacity For Emotional Depth Is Remarkable
You Are A Class Act
Why You're Not
You Tend To Blame Others For Your Unhappiness
As a BLUE, you hold high standards for yourself and tend to have unrealistic expectations of yourself, your partner, and how things "should be," so when things go wrong, you turn to others, such as your partner, as the source for your unhappiness. You might say to her, "if only you were more attentive / caring / interested / loving (you name it), this wouldn't have happened." This is obviously not a great way to maintain somebody's affection.
It's Hard For You To Relax (You Require A Purpose To Play)
BLUES tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if you are doing things that are not purposeful by your standards, you probably feel guilty about it. Ergo, you tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. Your tendency to be high-strung in this way can be alarming to a potential mate who is stuck wondering if you'll ever be able to calm down enough to enjoy a life together.
You Can Be Self-Righteous
You Tend To Be Moody
You Can Be Unforgiving
You Can Be Perfectionist To A Fault (Untrusting)
You Can Be Too Controlling
You May Give With Strings Attached
Your Needs
Now that you know how others see you as a potential partner, you should also know that there are certain things that you subconsciously need from your relationships in order to feel fulfilled and happy. These are your very own little hot buttons. When you find a partner who can push them for you, you may just fall head over heels.
You Need Your Partner To Understand You
As a BLUE, driven by Intimacy, you seek deep, personal connections with your partner. That doesn't just mean that you want to understand everything about them. You wouldn't feel that your relationship was complete unless she understood you completely either. You should look for a partner who can move beyond superficial conversation and is willing to understand every bit about what makes you you.
You Need To Feel Appreciated By Your Partner
You love to give openly and always go the extra mile to please your partner. All you desire in return is that she appreciate the effort that you make to do what you do. You will be happiest in finding someone who is comfortable and open in expressing that appreciation and who doesn't take your 110% effort for granted.
You Need To Be Good Morally
You Need General Acceptance
Your Wants
You Want Security
You like stability and security in your relationships and in life in general. You want a partner who communicates in word and deed that she is committed to you so that you always feel on stable ground in the relationship. You also want someone who will establish a solid (and safe) lifestyle with you and not force you to take high stakes risks, although, I would recommend that you be open-minded in this area, because some risks will really do wonders to enhance the quality of your life.
You Want Autonomy
It almost seems paradoxical, because while you do seek meaningful relationships in your life, and enjoy the company of others, you also enjoy your independence to do what you like to do. This is true for most BLUES because you spend so much time caring for others, connecting with them, and worrying about making things perfect, that you like to have your free time not to have to worry about those things.
You Want Quality In All Aspects Of Your Life
You Want To Reveal Insecurities
Top 5 BLUE Turn-Ons:
1. Being sincere and genuine
2. Appreciating and understanding them
3. Being thoughtful
4. Expressing interest in personal details
5. Behaving appropriately and being well mannered
Top 5 BLUE Turn-Offs:
1. Being non-committal
2. Becoming emotionally unavailable or dismissive
3. Demanding spontaneity
4. Promoting too much change
5. Abandoning them / Being disloyal
This has really given me a new understanding of myself. I welcome your comments or observations. I'm really excited about what I'm learning about myself!
Currently watching :
U2 - Zoo TV Live from Sydney (Limited Edition)
Release date: By 19 September,
Ok. I just took a new type of personality test that has re-shaped the way I view myself, and personality tests in general. Most tests are based on what you do in certain situations - this one focuses on WHY you do what you do, and puts all the questions it asks in the setting of childhood. They ask you to answer as you would as a child - and how you reacted to certain behaviors in others as a child. The whole point is that your personality at its core is set while you are in the womb. Your core needs as a human remain unchanged from birth to death. You may react differently as you grow older, either as a form of self-protection or in response to conditioning, environment, or life experience, but your NEEDS are not any different. This has opened my eyes to a whole new aspect of myself that was unknown to me before now. All of the tests I've taken to date paint me as a particular type of person, and I've lived my life with that understanding of myself. However, I never really understood myself, or why I did the things I did. In the midst of my divorce, I have had so many burning questions about what went wrong, and when I read this, the light went on. Kinda like, well DUH! This test NAILED my needs, wants, turn-ons, and turn-offs as though it were in my own mind. And it did so in a very few questions. I think it only asked 45. In any case, you can see below the description of the test, along with my results. If you want a basic idea of who I am and how I respond - good, bad, and ugly, read below....
The Color Code is Motive-based
You need to know that The Color Code works and is the best tool on the market today, because it is based on human motivations (why you do what you do) rather than on human behaviors (what you do). Behavior (for example, the way you act in a chat room or on a date) can be imitated, copied, or faked, but if you know the true motivation behind the behavior (what is driving the person to behave as they do), you already have a very clear picture of what that person is all about.
You only have one Core Motive or "Color Code"
Your personality type is driven by only ONE of four Core Motives, represented by the colors:
RED (Core Motive = Power, or the ability to move from "a" to "b" as efficiently as possible)
BLUE (Core Motive = Intimacy, this doesn't mean sex, but the need to connect, share feelings, and build relationships with others)
WHITE (Core Motive = Peace, or calm even in the midst of conflict; clarity in the midst of confusion)
YELLOW (Core Motive = Fun, or always enjoying the moment)
These are the four basic personality types that I will teach you about. However, very few people have ever scored 100% in one single color while taking the profile; therefore, you will find that your Core Color is often influenced by traces of the other colors. That is why no two WHITES, although driven by the same Core Motive of Peace, will ever be exactly alike.
Your Color was present at birth and you cannot change it
You were born with your core personality color intact (ask any woman who has given birth to more than one child and she'll tell you that her children had different personalities before they had drawn their first breath), and while parts of your personality do change over time (for example, you may have not been born a good listener, but you have learned to become one), you cannot and should not try to discard your Core Color in an attempt to trade it for another. If you were born a YELLOW, you will die a YELLOW, but you can add to yourself any strength or any limitation of any color to your core self.
All Colors are of equal importance
No personality type is better than another. Each brings equally valuable, albeit, different gifts to the world.
All Colors are neither good nor bad
No personality type is innately good or bad. Many people who do not know The Color Code may assume that all BLUES must be good and all REDS must be bad, for example. This couldn't be more false. The colors are neutral and individuals are free to choose how they will use their strengths and limitations to leave either a positive or a negative legacy in life.
Here were my results...
My breakdown was:
Blue: 55%
Yellow: 21%
Red: 18%
White: 6%
Congratulations, James, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life.
BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others.
BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries).
Why You're Hot
You Put Your Partner/Relationship First
People like to feel important, especially to their significant other, and you have the natural ability to make that happen. As a BLUE, you tend to be very selfless, and your first thought is always "how will this affect my partner?" You would be willing to sacrifice going out with friends or engaging in an activity that you enjoy on your own to do something less exciting with your significant other - not that they would necessarily ask you to - but just knowing you would is a great feeling.
You Make Events Magical
When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don't like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.
You Are Unbelievably Thoughtful
You Emanate Quality And Purpose In All That You Do
You Give Your Heart Wholly And Willingly
You Are A Rock - Stable And Dependable
Your Capacity For Emotional Depth Is Remarkable
You Are A Class Act
Why You're Not
You Tend To Blame Others For Your Unhappiness
As a BLUE, you hold high standards for yourself and tend to have unrealistic expectations of yourself, your partner, and how things "should be," so when things go wrong, you turn to others, such as your partner, as the source for your unhappiness. You might say to her, "if only you were more attentive / caring / interested / loving (you name it), this wouldn't have happened." This is obviously not a great way to maintain somebody's affection.
It's Hard For You To Relax (You Require A Purpose To Play)
BLUES tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if you are doing things that are not purposeful by your standards, you probably feel guilty about it. Ergo, you tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. Your tendency to be high-strung in this way can be alarming to a potential mate who is stuck wondering if you'll ever be able to calm down enough to enjoy a life together.
You Can Be Self-Righteous
You Tend To Be Moody
You Can Be Unforgiving
You Can Be Perfectionist To A Fault (Untrusting)
You Can Be Too Controlling
You May Give With Strings Attached
Your Needs
Now that you know how others see you as a potential partner, you should also know that there are certain things that you subconsciously need from your relationships in order to feel fulfilled and happy. These are your very own little hot buttons. When you find a partner who can push them for you, you may just fall head over heels.
You Need Your Partner To Understand You
As a BLUE, driven by Intimacy, you seek deep, personal connections with your partner. That doesn't just mean that you want to understand everything about them. You wouldn't feel that your relationship was complete unless she understood you completely either. You should look for a partner who can move beyond superficial conversation and is willing to understand every bit about what makes you you.
You Need To Feel Appreciated By Your Partner
You love to give openly and always go the extra mile to please your partner. All you desire in return is that she appreciate the effort that you make to do what you do. You will be happiest in finding someone who is comfortable and open in expressing that appreciation and who doesn't take your 110% effort for granted.
You Need To Be Good Morally
You Need General Acceptance
Your Wants
You Want Security
You like stability and security in your relationships and in life in general. You want a partner who communicates in word and deed that she is committed to you so that you always feel on stable ground in the relationship. You also want someone who will establish a solid (and safe) lifestyle with you and not force you to take high stakes risks, although, I would recommend that you be open-minded in this area, because some risks will really do wonders to enhance the quality of your life.
You Want Autonomy
It almost seems paradoxical, because while you do seek meaningful relationships in your life, and enjoy the company of others, you also enjoy your independence to do what you like to do. This is true for most BLUES because you spend so much time caring for others, connecting with them, and worrying about making things perfect, that you like to have your free time not to have to worry about those things.
You Want Quality In All Aspects Of Your Life
You Want To Reveal Insecurities
Top 5 BLUE Turn-Ons:
1. Being sincere and genuine
2. Appreciating and understanding them
3. Being thoughtful
4. Expressing interest in personal details
5. Behaving appropriately and being well mannered
Top 5 BLUE Turn-Offs:
1. Being non-committal
2. Becoming emotionally unavailable or dismissive
3. Demanding spontaneity
4. Promoting too much change
5. Abandoning them / Being disloyal
This has really given me a new understanding of myself. I welcome your comments or observations. I'm really excited about what I'm learning about myself!
Currently watching :
U2 - Zoo TV Live from Sydney (Limited Edition)
Release date: By 19 September,
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